What would James Bond’s Instagram look like?

Fifteen years and almost £3 billion in sales at the worldwide box office later, we now await the actor’s fifth and final appearance as 007 in No Time To Die. Originally due to debut last April, the pandemic pushed the première to September of this year, and fans can’t wait to see what’s in store on his latest mission.

As the sixth highest-grossing film franchise in history, the iconic Bond brand has become synonymous with action-packed adventure, luxurious locations and timeless style. Historically, brands have clamoured to be associated with Bond, laying out huge sums of money for all-important, immortalised seconds of screen time exposure.

The 25th film in the series is no different, and is set to bring in a whopping £75 million in endorsement deals alone, with global brands like Aston Martin, Omega and Tom Ford partnering up with the franchise once again.

This got us thinking.

In an age where brands utilise celebrities and social media influencers in their marketing campaigns, what would James Bond’s Instagram page look like?

Privacy

For your eyes only. With the secretive nature of his job, it would almost definitely be set to private, with a carefully considered list of followers. But what would he post, who would he follow and would he be sliding into anyone’s DMs?

Username

Although often confident in identifying himself as ‘Bond, James Bond’ when out on a mission, he could always choose to use an alias as he did on his mission in the film Casino Royale — portraying to the world that he is Arlington Beech, a professional gambler, though ‘Beech, Arlington Beech’ doesn’t quite have the same ring to it in our opinion. Another option is to go with something no one would ever think to look for, like ‘Shake my Martini,’ so he can remain incognito on the app.

Profile picture

His profile picture would be discrete, perhaps opting for the back of his head looking out at one of the stunning destinations he’s found himself at over the years.

Bond’s bio

It definitely wouldn’t include his job or location, but perhaps one of his most famous lines, “I like to do some things the old-fashioned way,” with a martini emoji 🍸 to give a gentle nod to his real identity.

Followers

When it comes to his followers, we think he’d keep his friends close. Trusted colleagues M, Q and Eve Moneypenny are likely to be the only people on his list of followers and close friends, with his circle kept intentionally small. And if they can find him, you bet those Bond baddies would be following him to anticipate his next move. Although with his account set to private, we hardly think Bond would accept those follower requests!

Following

Known for his love of fast cars, classic watches and luxury fashion designers, Bond would keep up to date with the latest product releases by following a select number of brands he’s aligned himself with over the years. To ensure he’s always in the know about what’s going on in the world, he’d also follow global news networks, as well as political figures such as The President of the United States and The Prime Minister. Although he’d never blow his cover by directly following his enemies, he’d regularly check in on what they’re up to and report back to MI6 with any suspicious activity.

Likes and DMs

Past love interests from over the years including Vesper Lynd, Strawberry Fields and Dr Madeleine Swan — we imagine these would be some of his most frequently searched for profiles, perhaps they’d even be on the receiving end of the odd charming direct message, story reaction or a more subtle ‘like’.

Recent searches

Never one to clock off the job, James could also use the platform to keep an eye on his enemies. Although they’d almost certainly be blocked from viewing any of his activity, he’d watch them like a hawk, gathering intel for MI6 and keeping one step ahead of any threats to national security.

James Bond’s Instagram Feed

However, it’s not all work and no play. James Bond’s identity is heavily crafted around the brands he associates himself with - they’re a part of his identity and have helped shape him into the suave, stylish, charming man he is.

Having visited some of the most beautiful parts of the world while carrying out his various missions over the years — Italy, Mexico, Turkey and Austria to name a few — we think Bond’s feed would naturally be filled with pictures of stunning landscapes from along his travels, and events he’s attended on the way.

With a taste for the finer things in life, Bond’s luxurious travel habits are also reflected in his choice of restaurant. With a long-standing love of Bollinger Champagne, Belvedere Vodka and Caviar, we think he’d document his dining experiences, perhaps even creating a Story Highlight of each destination’s best plates, but again only to share with his close circle of friends.

We couldn’t forget about the artists who have been the vocals behind some of the best Bond theme tunes of all time — Adele, Sam Smith and most recently, Billie Eilish — their reels of riffs and runs would certainly strike a chord with Bond. We like to think he’d post a story of the gigs he attends - only to his close friends, of course.

Although James Bond would likely only use Instagram for intel gathering, gadget inspiration and checking in with his past lovers — we doubt he’d ever use a gif, jump on the latest viral filter challenge or post a #selfie — our team thinks he would incorporate the key pillars that make up his personal Bond brand.

Fashion, travel and technology (all of the high-end kind), would form the basis of his feed, and while he’d keep a low profile, he’d be doing what a spy does best — hiding in plain sight.